Hmm

“Normal is a cycle on a washing machine.â€? – Emmy Lou Harris   

“A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge.� – Dave Barry

“[If] you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.â€? – Paul Newman

“When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.â€? – Dave Barry (And it might be this guy…)

“To live in the presence of great truths and eternal laws, to be led by permanent ideals – that is what keeps a man patient when the world ignores him and calm and unspoiled when the world praises him.â€? – Honore de Balzac

“The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.â€? – W. Somerset Maugham (The preceding advice should be followed with extreme caution as it may have been offered sarcastically by both the author and the author. See next.)

â€?Silence is as full of potential wisdom and wit as the unhewn marble of great sculpture. The silent bear no witness against themselves.â€? – Aldous Huxley (or less subtly put…)

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.� – Abraham Lincoln

“Let thy speech be better than silence, or be silent.â€? – Dionysius the Elder (Before you get too worked up, the point here is to think before you speak.)

‘Blessed is the man who, having nothing to stay, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact.� – George Eliot (Once more, with feeling!)

“Originality does not consist in saying what no one has ever said before, but in saying exactly what you think yourself.â€? – James Stephens

“One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.â€? – John Humphrys

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.â€? – Leonardo Da Vinci

“Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.� – Jimi Hendrix

“Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.â€? – Hal Borland

“Forever is composed of nows.â€? – Emily Dickinson

“Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.â€? – Garrison Keillor

â€?Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reasonâ€? – Jerry Seinfeld

“It is inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.â€? – H.L. Mencken

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.â€? – Jane Austen

“The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions. “ – Oliver Wendell Holmes

“It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.â€? – H.L. Mencken

“I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.â€? – Stephen Wright

“When you have nothing to say, say nothing.” – Charles Caleb Colton

 

“Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.” – Josh Billings [Henry Wheeler Shaw]
 

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” – Plato

 

“Your very silence shows you agree.” – Euripides

 

Speak properly, and in as few words as you can, but always plainly; for the end of speech is not ostentation, but to be understood.” – William Penn

(or at least it should be.)

 

“The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart.” – Benjamin Franklin

 

“How many people make themselves abstract to appear profound. The great part of abstract terms are shadows that hide a vacuum.” – Joseph Joubert

 

“Laws too gentle are seldom obeyed; too severe, seldom executed.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.� – Mae West in Klondike Annie

 

“I’m thankful that my cat can purr but not laugh, because a laughing cat would be creepy.� – Scott Adams
 

“The only things one can admire at length are those one admires without knowing why.” – Jean Rostand
 

Bob has a very low threshold for pain, centered somewhere around inconvenience. – bbt
 

“The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

 

“When ideas fail, words come in very handy.” – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

 

“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.” – Benjamin Franklin

 

“For every problem, there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong.” – H. L. Mencken